he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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