I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
