i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
