All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i out mim tonsoeep
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
