Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize