respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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