Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
