You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
