It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
