At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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