Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
