why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
