That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
