I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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