so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
