but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize