She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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