There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
