just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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