forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
