A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
