How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
