I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
