he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
