i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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