There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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