Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
