he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
