fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
