Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
