I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
