Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
