What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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