and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
