It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
