Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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