It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
