He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
