she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
