Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
