I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
