are you still at the devil's house?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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