put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
