i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
