I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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