I like to think it a success when the cops are called
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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