I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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