Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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