Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
