Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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