dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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