yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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