No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
