Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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