He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
