Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
