I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
