You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
