Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
