In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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