worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
