When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dicks are not precious.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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