I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
