i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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