It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize