would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
