The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
