I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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