Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
