I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
