I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
