He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
