Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
