My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
