Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
