I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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