Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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