I want to make a zoo with you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
