Screwed.edu
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
