If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
