you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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