Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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