did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
