You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
