I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
