I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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