Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
