If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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