Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
