what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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