Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
