Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
