If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
